Mark Driscoll & My Folly

Photo from the Associated Press wire. Feb. 21, 2007.

In 2006, I was a 29-year-old copy editor and designer at — what I then considered to be — the greatest small town newspaper in America.

I was a husband of seven-plus (eight that September) years to my lovely wife, Shannon, and a dad to two little girls, Isabella (3) and Gabrielle (1). I was also a volunteer worship leader at a growing six-year-old church holding worship gatherings in a former warehouse in the industrial part of our small southern Indiana town.

Like so many, I was trying to figure out many things all at once.

Marriage. Fatherhood. A career. What I believed about God and faith.

In those days, the podcast was a new invention and nothing resembling the media behemoth it is today. However, as I mentioned, I was young and was all in on this new development. The year prior, I had started podcasting our church’s sermons and found this mode of delivery to be the great wave of the future — even if our region was another 10 years away from discovering it.

Because the faith of my adulthood was still in its elementary years, I saw this phenomenon as a chance to hear preaching and other faith-building content from all across the country and even around the world. One day after the newspaper’s deadline, while in the beginning stages of designing the next day’s feature pages, I began searching for content from young evangelical phenom Rob Bell. He pastored a church called Mars Hill Bible Church in Grand Rapids, Mich. I searched for ‘Mars Hill’ in my podcast search feature and stumbled across a sermon called Christ on the Cross: Jesus Took Our Wrath from Sunday, November 13, 2005.

Right away I realized this wasn’t Rob Bell speaking, but I thought, perhaps, it was another preacher on their staff, so I kept listening.

I listened to the majority of the sermon, went to our Main Street home for lunch, and, in the kitchen, half-jokingly/half-worriedly told my wife, “I think I’m going to hell.”

To condense the story greatly, what I heard that day in 2006 set me off on a spiritual path that would be a major part of my spiritual development and affect me even to this day.

Mark Driscoll, for better and worse, was now in my vocabulary, helping set a course for my spiritual and, sometimes, physical, life.

Obviously, the name Mark Driscoll in certain circles evokes much emotion and dialogue. From the rise and fall of Mars Hill to, well, The Rise And Fall Of Mars Hill, Driscoll’s firebrand image and preaching would permeate me in a way few other preachers, even my own pastors past and present, have. I endlessly promoted his preaching, his writings, his books, his videos, his discipleship curriculum, his way of “doing church,” and on and on and on, to almost anyone who would listen. I was Team Driscoll. Team Reformed Theology. Team my team.

This all probably culminated for me in mid-2013 when I applied for a worship leader position opening at the church’s Everett (Wash.) Campus. Thankfully, they never even considered me for that role and we, as it turns out, dodged a pretty big bullet. As I look back now, God saved us from my foolishness.

Driscoll’s ascension and my fandom (and, yes, as weird as that is, I was most definitely a fan of a preacher) was definitely a case of right/wrong place and time. I was seeking and he had definite answers. I was growing up and he showed what I should be doing — in definite, black and white terms. I was trying to be a good dad and a good husband and he had verses to give me and direction to provide. I was looking to make an impact with the ministry God had granted me and he was there, complete with a roadmap and a bus. I was struggling with the vices of life so many young men grapple with and he was there to yell at me, to forcefully tell me to knock it off. I was hungry to make my faith my own and he provided teaching unlike any I had ever heard that seemed rock-solid and was lauded by other heroes of the faith.

And then, it all started to unravel for him and for Mars Hill and I started to get a little (hopefully) wiser.

Some might say I should’ve never been drawn in to his appeal in the first place, but I can totally see why I did. Some might say I should discard everything I learned from him, but, truthfully, he wasn’t wrong 100% of the time and I’m thankful for some of the things he taught and espoused.

He helped me learn to be a better husband and dad — but it was really reinforcement of things my own dad had already taught through word and example. I just needed to hear someone else reinforce it, I suppose. He taught me an appreciation for Scripture that was lacking at the time. He taught me, through his church’s way of “doing church” that music worship didn’t have to look like every other church’s and that God could use my natural tendencies for His kingdom, too. Heck, Mars Hill’s overall design and marketing/brand philosophy stays with me until this day. For all that went wrong there, there were still things that were amazing.

I know for some, Driscoll and Mars Hill are evil, personified. I think it’s a bit more complicated than that.

I won’t recap all the controversies and all the issues surrounding Driscoll — and there are MANY — but I would like to use this space to explore, apologize, and, hopefully, show what I’ve learned in the process.

There were always warning signs, now that I look back in hindsight. His brashness made me wince sometimes, but I could brush it off. Mirroring his thoughts about the roles of men and women caused conflict with some women and I wish I had listened better to their concerns instead of duplicating his assured nature. He got me fired up about the Gospel, but I realize now there was probably more law in his gospel than true Gospel. He helped shape me up as a man, but he also heaped condemnation on my soul that I couldn’t really identify until later in life.

I wish I could say I had a “come to Jesus” moment where I disavowed him. But, I didn’t. It was more a case of the snowball gathering steam until I couldn’t ignore there was a giant dangerous object heading down the hill. The moment of realization, so to speak, was when his leadership and staff presented a letter  of concern(s) to him and he outright rejected/ignored the claims of these men — most of whom were extremely above-board people with excellent reputations — and simply packed up and moved out of Seattle and started a new ministry with little to no actual oversight.

Honestly, I’m not sure what the overall point is of this post, but, perhaps to give some insight that it takes time for people to see what others see right away. I say this as someone who failed at this with Driscoll, but who also couldn’t understand how Christians were so in love with Donald Trump. And, make no doubt, I can totally see how these two men are connected.

Now that I’m on the other side of it, I believe I’ve learned a couple of things:

1. My late grandfather always warned me against “glory(ing) in man.” He was mostly cautioning my rabid fandom of athletes when I was a kid, but I hear his voice when I think of the Driscoll era of my life. How I became a fan of a preacher the same way I was a fan of rock stars is a bizarre, but, unfortunately, true situation.
2. Pay attention when more than a couple of people start to speak out against charismatic leaders who seem to have a trail of destruction behind them. If controversy is always dogging someone, perhaps, there is something to it.
3. Jesus is the one I should always be championing and following, not any ministry or its leader(s). This is not to say to be a “Lone Ranger” Christian and buck all spiritual authority, but to critically examine motives and actions against what Jesus has actually said, not what culture champions. Something may “work” in ministry, but if it’s contradictory to the ways of Christ, it’s wrong, no matter the perceived “success” of the ministry or leader.

Finally, I feel a sense of responsibility to those I turned on to Driscoll back in the day and a sense of responsibility for my actions that were, obviously, influenced by his teachings. I know there are a number of young men who are now approaching middle-age men who I pointed to Driscoll’s teachings and ministry. To them, I would say, “I believe I was wrong now” and urge them unfollow him and/or stop paying attention to his teachings as he, especially lately, has really morphed into the worst version of what he once was and his failure to submit to his leaders should be a massive red flag. I think back to a conversation I had with a woman in our church who confronted me lovingly about the language I was using in regards to the roles of men and women whom I dismissed — rather arrogantly in reflection. She was correct to call me out. I'm thankful for her willingness to do so.

I don’t know Driscoll’s standing before God and, thankfully, it’s not my call and I have no say over his thousands-of-miles-away ministry. But what I can offer is a caution for others to consider my own folly when/if you find yourself falling into “fan” mode with any leader — spiritual or otherwise.